CO129-425 - Governor Sir May - 1915 [10-12] — Page 688

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679

and the English Cause, hich I did not feel. I had to condemn the

Allies, and then to think of that dark August afternoon in Geneva

when we had nothing more, no money for tomorrow's food and I dea

pairingly would go to the French Consulate to enlist in the French

Army, to which all my sympathy went, to secure my wife the one Frank

and fifty per day. I wish now I had done it. Hy Life would have le

been honourable, and even when I was killed, it would have been an

honourable death – instead of this Life's disgrace now I had to

show sympathy with the Germans, which a wrath filled me for the

cruel treatment, they had submitted me to. All these lies, day after day, hour after hour! My whole existence one uncensing, con-

tinuous Lie I never met another member of "the comité", and was

glad for that. I could not have lied in the same way to two of

them. I would have betrayed myself. I convinced, with new lies,

my Boy, that it should be wrong to confer with the "conite",

ought not to be in a position to betray them; in a revolutionary

organisation, I said, no one ought to know the others, etc.

to invent hundred things to remain alone with the Boy.

I went to herein, but my sinews could not stand this any longer.

Holland; should wait there, what they should decide, 30 I said.

I

I had

I succeeded

At the Dutch frontier in Bentheim I had fresh occasion to hate the

I had to go Germans for their crude and scornful treatment of me.

away from Berlin. In the last days it semed that some mistrust

came into the "comité". May be on account of all my lies; perhaps

The Boy gave me to because I insisted on being not known by them. understand that they had to be very careful for English Spies.

Berlin was full of English Spies, so they said.

I supposed.

to take me for an English spy,

Ios, they began

These revolutionists